I’m sitting here at a messy desk, feeling the weight of five extra pounds that have settled around my waist over the last few months, with no energy because I have not done anything more active than walk the dog for a month. There are a thousand loose ends today! I need to make sure we’re back on track with homeschool and order the second module to Eldest’s Algebra program. The kids are going to an art history co-op this afternoon, which frees me up for a couple of hours. Where to start? Every time I start to think about it, I get paralyzed by the number of things that need my attention.
I have the girls’ closet taken apart and am trying to organize it, however I seriously miscalculated how much time it was going to take me. How on earth did all of that fit in such a little closet?!? I finally got the wire cubes I’m using to store their clothes assembled, but it’s going to be awhile before I can sift through all the outgrown, unused, and out of season clothes that had collected behind the old drawers. Should I start there?
I forgot to start the dishwasher last night, so it’s still running this morning and there are breakfast dishes piled in the sink. Should I start there?
There is clutter in the living room again, and the floor needs vacuuming. A piece of the flooring in the front entryway has come loose and needs to be screwed back into the floor. Should I start there?
I have a Bible study class that I’m looking forward to tonight, but I don’t have the homework done yet. Should I start there?
And of course, because I seem to have lost my ability to organize this week, the kids have picked up on it. How are they supposed to stay on track if I’m not? So in between all these little things that are pulling me in all directions I am having to re-direct, re-direct, re-direct. Energy is going out in all directions except for straight ahead, pencils are being dropped five times in five minutes, chairs tip with two or even three legs dangling perilously off the ground, the random noise of pencil tapping, whistling, and other irritating repetitive sounds is driving me to distraction.
What is it? Why are things suddenly so difficult? Why can’t any of us concentrate on the same task until it’s completed this week? Maybe it’s the time of year…it’s cold outside and we’re socked in with an inversion…which is the polite way of saying that the air outside is so smoggy that visibility is poor and it’s not a good idea to go outside and play. My Montana-raised self just screams at this outrage, good clean air was taken for granted growing up. Maybe it’s just the letdown after the holidays. Maybe it’s just the dregs of the virus that had us all congested a few weeks ago, and has just sort of hung on ever since.
Maybe it’s just my attitude.
At any rate, it’s clear that I need to re-group, re-focus, and get back on track. It looks enormous and insurmountable right now, but just last week things were chugging along just fine…the house was clean, the schedule was kept, the kids were getting their work done quickly and correctly and life was peaceful. That’s how God wants it to be, and if we’re working according to His plan we’ll have that peace even when the world throws distractions as us. After all, there have been times when we have been dealing with a lot more external distraction and disorder and have remained calm and on track as a family…there are not really any external issues to blame this week…just our own lack of direction.
So….where to start. I’m getting up, right now. I’m going to round the kids up, pray with them, recenter ourselves and set a (small and easily attainable) goal for the day. Then, I’m going to do a little of that Bible study, because I know that it will bring me peace of mind and probably a few helpful verses to carry with me through the rest of the day. Then, I’m going to choose one thing…it’ doesn’t even matter what I choose…and I’m going to work at it until it’s done. And I’m going to keep doing that until I reach the point where I can sit down and feel peaceful about taking a break!